Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life by Aisha Salawudeen

Dear SuaveTrendsBlogReeders,

I've had quite embarrassing moments but this one i'm about to write shocked the hell out of me. Like, I had to scream out loud for me to know to it's not re-occurring again. So here it is....
It was a beautiful Saturday morning, buried In my own thoughts pondering on what to do, then my phone rang, seeing the caller, I knew something would go wrong that day. I picked up the call and bestie was like"hey aisha! wussup watcha doing today? I have a wedding to attend today and the most exciting thing is that, i'm one of the Bride's Maids!" I felt her excitement because I knew she fancied stuffs like that. " how about you show up she asked" I was about to give her an excuse as not to come and she was like " uh, u better comman catch your own fish, because lot of cute 'beta' guys would be there." Actually, we've been using the word 'fish' right from college for new guys lol. I thought of it myself. Been single for like a year and I normally feel bad when Yemisi talks about the new guys she has 'hammered' maybe it's time for me to get 1 myself.

  Yemisi was extra ordinarily excited when I told her i'll show up. She was about to tell me 1 of her silly gists when I hung up on her. Babe can talk for Africa lol. I was in my room, thinking of what to wear when mum went past me to my closet, she choose for me a monochrome gown. She then went to her shoe rack to bring out this devilish looking shoe! (ion wanna exaggerate but the heel of the shoe is quite long!) she was already giving me that stern look, waiting for me to object. With a deep sigh, I accepted the offer. In fact, why won't I? Mooma's decision is the final in that house.
   Done having my bath, I wore the cloth and shoe, painted my face with all sort of cosmetics lol, did I forget to say I love make-up.I loved the way my body fitted in both. I was looking more of a plus size model lol, I wasn't fat then 'sha'.
   I had almost died before I got to the venue, my legs hurt like mad. My walking steps were as if I was galloping, to make matters worse, I didn't come along with any spare slippers. I was sitting @ one corner when bae showed up and gave me that who-styled-you look. She knew I don't fancy flaunting dress or heels. She told me she had found me a 'fish' I was sooooo excited! I even thank God I was looking quite sweet ;). Done cooling my feet, I took pictures with her and greeted part of her family she came along with. If only I knew the worst was about to come :(.
   She dragged me towards the entrance of the hall and suddenly dropped my hand, I followed her gaze and noticed she was smiling sheepishly @ one fine dude, I wasn't even surprised as bae has this awkward taste for fair guys. Before I knew what was happening, she was walking towards the guy. I was so mad! I couldn't move, people were bumping into me, I had to leave the entrance to sit somewhere else. I was still pondering on what next to do when my phone rang, bae was like "where are you! U left my side without notifying me!" I had to remind her she was the one who left me to meet her stupid prince charming. She gave me the directions as to where she was seated. I really don't know if she intentionally said that because bae knew how nervous I can be when walking between seated crowds! I couldn't contain it all at that moment. I was angry and nervous at the same time. How the hell does she expect me to walk in the middle of glaring eyes! I almost cried sef :( . I re-adjusted my make-up when I remembered my-new-found 'fish' is patiently waiting lol.
Ok finally, I got to the entrance once again, heaved a sigh, then I was walking towards the direction bae gave me. I was @ the middle of the hall when the heel of my left shoe came off! I froze @ that spot. I was like " no Aisha, it's not you, it just your imaginations coz u nervous" I took another step before it finally dawned on me that it was real! I was really scared and nervous! I silently begged God to make me disappear when I heard someone behind me giggling and cussing me out @ the same time! He was like " Na the thing wey fit am be that, who send am message? See as she resemble Mannequin!" yeeeeee a whole me! 'Mannequin'. Another was like " kilo ma'n se awon Omo obinrin bayi na? Shey tipa ni?" meaning " what is wrong with some ladies, like is it compulsory to wear heels?" " i've had enough of this! I hate today I mumbled. Then I spotted bae, she was giving me that 'what's wrong with you kind of look'. I figured out my standing there was causing me more anguish so I left there walking towards bae limping because i did not bother to remove the shoe plus I left the heel that came off there.
I got to where bae seated and stylishly sat beside her, palm on my face, I started crying. I cried ehn! Bae was like " aisha what's wrong? U creating a scene here". I managed to look @ her then she mouthed the word " your fish is beside me" I glanced @ the 'fish' and he was giving me that why-is-she-this-ugly look. *sigh I haven't even said jack when someone tapped me from behind holding the heel that came off my shoe. He was like " aunty? U left this at the middle of the hall, why na?" lord knows I wanted to smash it on his donkey like nose! I Kuku collected it. Bae and others seated at the table quickly figured out what happened. The next thing I heard were sounds of laughter. Chai! I couldn't contain it all. I had to leave the hall immediately. I was like maybe it's not my day. *sigh I did not even get to meet the new guy. I was so devastated. I walked barefooted back home! Right from Surulere to the island. When mooma asked how the party went, I had to show her the stupid shoe. I even thought she'll console me. The woman laughed and was crying @ the same time. *sigh that day ehn i Kuku remember the date 17th of February 2012.

by Aisha Salawudeen